#2377: xkcd Phone 12

XKCD comic, described below.
Transcript

[The comic shows two smartphones: one taller and wider than the other. ]

[Labels to the left of the larger smartphone:]

  • Full drivetrain warranty
  • Coated for easy swallowing
  • Surgical-grade apps
  • Built-in 600 lb magnet for magnet fishing
  • Oral-B partnership: hold phone against teeth to ultrasonically remove plaque
  • 40 mL emergency water supply
  • Security feature: unmarked side buttons
  • 3,000,000-volt arc allows wireless charging from a range of up to 36 inches
  • 99.9% BPA- and hands- free
  • Extended release charge cable
  • Closed timelike curves

[Labels to the right of the larger smartphone:]

  • Fits in standard shipping container
  • Interlocking, stackable

[Labels to the right of the smaller smartphone:]

  • Nintendo partnership: GameBoy Printer compatibility
  • Sustain Pedal
  • CDC partnership: when in an indoor space with too many people, phone begins playing "We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)" at slowly increasing volume until everyone leaves
  • Sacrificial anode
  • Tactical helium reserve
  • 50% below critical mass (2x safety factor)
  • Shake for factory reset
  • Norton MacAfee protection: if you're ever attacked by John MacAfee, Peter Norton will come out of retirement to defend you

[Text below the phone:]

The xkcd Phone 12* and 12 Max**

*Standard **For people named Max

"The only phone you'll ever own"®™


(Sourced from explainxkcd.com)

New phone OS features: Infinite customization (home screen icons no longer snap to grid), dark mode (disables screen), screaming mode (self-explanatory), and coherent ultracapacitor-pumped emission (please let us know what this setting does; we've been afraid to try it).

ExplainOriginal